Another Hallmark Holiday

I'm not opposed to Mother's Day, but I certainly am not a fan of the hype we produce as a society for the day. I believe it's one of those days that kind of just keeps Hallmark cards in business. Let's face it, I'm pretty sure the Peanut did not buy me a thing, and the Sailor left only a few days ago. I'll be lucky to get a meltdown-free day from the former, and a crackly phone call off the coast of Africa from the latter. 

Nevertheless, moms should certainly be celebrated! Read my guest post over at my favorite hammocking site: Color Cloud Hammocks. It's too late to order a hammock for Mother's Day itself, but really, is it ever too late to actually hammock? Get yourself one today. These things are awesome. 

Throwback to a camping trip when I didn't have to share my hammock with the Peanut.

I'm also still blogging over at the Chattanooga City Moms Blog. My latest piece is all about how I'm an older mom, and the difference it makes. (Hint: I'm a lot more tired than I used to be!)

And, since I'm feeling a little nostalgic now as a mom myself, here's one my favorite past posts about Mother's Day.  

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to make some paper flowers for my own mom, since I left it a little too late to grab real ones at the store. 

Let's Talk About Breastfeeding, Baby

Full confession time: I'm a mommy. I still shower daily. I feed my kid goldfish (the crackers! Not the real fish). And I do lots of other things I swore I'd never do as a mom. I'm eating my words, one goldfish at a time.

AND I breastfeed my toddler.

While I thought breastfeeding would be the most natural thing on the planet (like giving birth — see how my 'plan' went sideways here), there was NO WAY I was going to nurse past one year. I didn’t really know anyone who nursed their babes past 12 months... if I did, they were very secretive about it. When I tried to recollect friends who had babies before me, I mostly remembered bottles. 

When I think about it, there are a lot of things I didn't know before I had a baby. And there's a lot I wish I had known about breastfeeding, specifically. So, I decided it's time to be honest and share my story with you, plus a few things I wish I had known beforehand.

1. It might not be as 'natural' as you pictured.

I remember that first awkward nursing session with my son. I had these grand visions of some lovely bonding moment: there would be tears in my eyes from joy, my baby would be suckling like a pro, fairies would dance in the air, sprinkling pixie dust. I jest on the latter, but I did imagine a magical moment.

In reality, there was nothing magical about it. I was wheeled into a room full of other women — some of whom seemed to be laboring behind curtains. I had just been sliced open and stitched back together, and this was the first time I was actually allowed to hold my child. 

He was screeching like a banshee — a hungry one at that.

The Sailor awkwardly tried to stand clear of the hustle, while a nurse barked at me to hold my breast like a hamburger so my baby could get a mouthful. (At this point, I hadn't eaten anything for over eight hours. I secretly salivated over the imaginary floppy burger I found in my hand.)

The Peanut squealed and writhed and struggled to latch and suddenly my illusion of 'natural breastfeeding' seemed to vanish into thin air. 

I was a complete hot mess (seriously, blazing hot one minute, freezing the next. Hormones, you also get the blame.) 

The nurses then stressed me out for the next few days, telling me that my baby needed to nurse more than five minutes at a time ('snacking' is fine, by the way). I started to panic when the nurses harped on about his weight loss (a certain amount of weight loss is normal, particularly if mama has had IV fluids beforehand). 

Finally, they made me feel like my baby needed formula. (I was pretty adamant about breastfeeding only, but sometimes you DO need some help. Fed is best. And if I needed to make a decision to supplement or if I wasn't able to breastfeed at all, I'd most likely choose an organic brand like the Honest Company's non-GMO formula.)

2. I wish I had known that breastfeeding a baby wouldn't always take F-O-R-E-V-E-R.

Those first few weeks, I felt like I only got up from the chair to go to the bathroom (and even then, I often had the Peanut with me in one hand). Sure, I caught up on books and television and news of the world, but I wondered how I would ever make it to my initial goal of one year, with a child who could take up to 45 minutes to chow down, only to want a snack soon after.
 
I wish someone had told me that eventually, babies and breasts get more efficient with the process, and that I wouldn't be pinned to a chair forever.  

A milk drunk Peanut passed out in Singapore.

Eventually, I did figure that out, and as the Peanut and I got into a rhythm, I learned to take it one day at a time. As a stay-at-home mom, I rarely stayed home. I made sure to get out of the house often: shopping, walking, sitting in the park, or meeting a friend for coffee.

I found it easy to simply pack a small cover or scarf, or to ensure I was wearing a nursing tank top under a shirt so that I could discreetly lift the outer shirt up, and the shirt under it down (a trick a friend told me about) and not expose much at all. I’m all for public nursing, but personally, I’m pretty discreet about it. You see far more of my body while I'm at the pool than you will ever see of me nursing my kid. 

When I took the Peanut to South Africa, Singapore and across America, I never worried about carting around enough food. I carried the food right inside my body. Long nursing sessions or not, breastfeeding can be very convenient. 

3. I wish someone had told me that schedules stink and that feeding on demand is totally fine.  

Actually, someone did tell me this early on in my mommy game. One of the night nurses, seeing my exasperation at the Peanut's haphazard feeding schedule (initially, he liked to snack often for only a few minutes at a time) told me to forget the clock and just feed him when he was hungry, even if it was more often than the prescribed 'every three hours'. I remember feeling my whole body relax when she told me that.

I just wish someone had reminded me daily for those first few weeks, when I felt like gouging my eyeballs out with the same pen I used to keep track of the Peanut's eating habits.  
 
4. Finally, I wish I had known earlier that I wasn't alone in nursing a toddler.
  
The Peanut will be three years old in just a few short months and yes, he’s still nursing. I don’t make a big deal out of it, and honestly, sometimes I’m embarrassed to admit it, depending on who I'm talking to. There still seems to be a stigma attached to it that needs to be eliminated, which is why I wanted to share my story. While breastfeeding advocates shout that breast is best for baby, people often give the side eye when they hear your walking talking toddler still has ‘milkies’. And the Internet trolls! Don't even get me started. 

The reasons for me still nursing him are vast and varied. Believe me, I certainly didn’t expect to go quite this long. Then again, I didn't even expect to have a baby, so there's that.

Our lives are far from conventional and we are often in a state of flux. The Sailor is gone for months and then he returns home for months. In the Peanut’s short life, he’s already lived in a several different places, traveled to three continents and slept in numerous countries, states and beds. 

But one thing has been consistent throughout: milkies from mommy. Does he drink milk from a cup? Absolutely. Does he eat food like a champ. Um, yes. Ever since he took his first bite of 'real' food, he has technically been in the process of slowly weaning himself.  

So, it may seem like I'm bragging to you about nursing my not-so-little guy when I meet you at the library, but in reality, I just saw your own toddler stick his hand down your shirt, while you quickly looked around to see if anyone noticed. I know the official (and unofficial) baby sign language for 'more milk', and I want you to feel like you're not the only one.

I'm the one who will give you details for La Leche League, because those ladies saved my sanity on more than one occasion, and I overheard you say you're afraid to nurse a toddler. 

And I'm the one telling you all about various Facebook groups you should join, because sometimes, late at night during a nursing session, I too needed to know that whatever I was doing was normal, and Google and other websites were making me feel like a freak instead.

The Peanut doesn't nurse much now, and I know that one of these days it will be the last time, perhaps without any warning. While I'm kind of looking forward to that day (because let's face it, mama could use some new bras...) I also know it will be bittersweet.   

I hope I always remember how much the Peanut sometimes giggles when he asks for 'milkies'. Or when he reaches out and pats me on the chest, then gives me a giant hug. I especially hope I will always remember what a miracle it's been to offer him such nutrition from my own body.   

My little guy has taken me on a journey I never imagined I'd be on, and while it hasn't always gone the way I expected, there have certainly been some of those 'magical' moments — even if it took us a while to get there.

Let's Party. Really.

I'm not much of a betting woman, but I'm going to take a chance and assume that you have been invited to at least one party lately. It's the new 'party' of today, where you're surrounded by people you may or may not know, nibbling on snacks (and if you're lucky, downing a glass of wine) while you listen to a friend of your hostess tell you why you desperately need this, that or the other, in your life.

Or, you may have recently 'attended' a Facebook party, where someone is trying to get you to purchase books you've never flipped through, or essential oils you can't actually sample because smell-a-vision hasn't yet evolved.  

I have little proof that I partied in my earlier years... the photos are (thankfully) rare. But I know that nearly every weekend when I lived in England, I was off to any number of friends' houses for whatever party they were throwing. Sometimes it was an actual costume party, or a sit-down fancy dress event. All I had to do was show up. Occasionally I had a bottle of wine or flowers in my hand. But I never in all of my years remember being asked to buy anything at the party, or even to host a party to get perks of my own. 

Times are changing folks, and I'm not sure I like where it's all going. 

Every time I turn around, I have a Facebook notification for an online party. Occasionally there's an actual event at someone's house where wine is offered. 

Don't get me wrong. I love that so many people, especially women and moms, are in business for themselves nowadays. I get it — there is a certain amount of freedom that comes with the hustle of selling stuff. I've even looked into selling some of the stuff myself for a little side income. 

But now, the only parties I seem to get invited to are ones where people want to sell something. I am inundated with invitations from people who sell things and from friends who are hosting parties for those same people selling things. My eyes immediately start to gloss over my Facebook feed after a while.

I long for the days when a party meant I would be gathering at someone's home for an afternoon or evening of mingling, eating and drinking with both friends and strangers. Nothing to sell, no pressure to purchase. No photos to log on Facebook, Instagram or even a blog. There would be a slim chance someone would have an old-fashioned camera there and maybe you'd end up getting a copy of a photo as proof that you wore a pink feather boa once to someone's party. (As if that really happened...)

I have already been sucked down a rabbit hole by a few companies... (buttery leggings, I have no use for you outside of my apartment, but by golly, I could live in you all day when I'm at home.) I have an expensive outfit not available in stores that I do not regret buying, because I live in it when I'm not wearing those buttery leggings, and I have just placed an order for some kind of elixir that is supposed to knock the Peanut out for a week straight. (Just kidding... but it is supposed to help him sleep better.) 

So clearly I'm not at all opposed to these parties... or else I wouldn't own some of the products. Sell on people! Good for you!  

And really, who wouldn't want the perks of hosting one of these parties? Want jewelry half price? Host a posh clothing sale. Want some buttery leggings for free? Host an online party. Want to get your essential oils at wholesale price? Bring your neighbors and friends to a poolside party.  

But I miss the days of having people over just to have a party. Even as an introvert, I love them. I love to throw them and I love to attend them. Our poor parking situation and apartment living (plus the Peanut's haphazard sleeping schedule) means I haven't had people over as often as I'd like to... but I really do need to remedy that. 

I can count on one hand the number of times I've been invited over to someone's house for a non-sales 'party', or even just dinner, over the last few years. 

It's not that I don't know anyone. I know PLENTY of people in this town. It's just that everyone seems busy selling stuff.

I texted a friend the other day and said I was weary of getting invited to party after party where something was for sale — sometimes by people I hardly knew. I told her I simply wanted to have a party where people ate, drank and talked. No pressure to buy and sell. 

I'm thinking the invitation might go along the lines of something like this: 

Remember the days when people got together to eat, drink and be merry, and the only thing you had to purchase was a bottle of something to share? 

(Yeah, neither do I...)

Which is why I'm hosting a flashback-to-another-decade-party where all you do is show up. 

That's right. Wear whatever clothing you want, use whatever 18-hour-stay-put lipstick you want, read whatever book you want that offers party tips, get ready to party by diffusing whatever oil you want, but leave your products to sell at home, your catalogues in the car, and your phone in your handbag. 

We're going to party like it's 1999.  

(And by party here, I don't mean raging crazy parties where people get into all kinds of mischief and trash my house... I mean a group of people who get together to mingle, eat and drink and maybe even dance. Card playing and/or a puzzle might also be involved, but let's not get too crazy here.)

So who's with me on this one? 

PS: A word of advice, if you are in Direct Marketing, don't be that girl.  

Ocean Crossings, Cross-Stitch and Stitch Fix

It seems like I haven't shared much recently at least on this blog (you can read how I'm not teaching the Peanut to share here...) but I have to remind myself that the only deadlines I impose on this blog are the ones I make for myself. Sometimes there's simply not much to say. And sometimes I'm just saying it elsewhere. 

So, in case you've missed out on my life elsewhere, here's a recap of what's going on in my world:

:: The Sailor arrived home just in time for us to all fly to South Africa together! It has been two years since the Peanut and I were there. This time, he had his own seat, rather than my lap, which is a good thing because he's a giant.

He's a big fan of flying, although he's still not a great fan of sleeping... anywhere. Nevertheless, we spent several weeks hanging out with Ouma and Oupa and enjoying sunshine and summer in the Southern Hemisphere. We spent a lot of time outside, playing in the dirt. 

:: Cross-stitch. I still don't know what I was thinking of when I picked out this cross-stitch design for the Peanut's room. I started it back in Singapore over a year and a half ago, and then I barely touched it until over the holidays. I decided not to pack any knitting or crochet projects for our overseas trip <GASP> and instead, I just brought the safari stitching. I made some serious progress during the Peanut's nap time. And because he spent so much time simply playing outside, I got to sit under the tree and stitch without him wanting me to play with him every minute. Win win. 

And when my mother-in-law tried to pawn off some half-finished stitching she'd started when the Sailor was younger, on me, I promised myself to finish this thing by the time the Peanut's 5th birthday rolled around. At least I have a few year's buffer.

:: I signed up for Stitch Fix. My guilty pleasure TV binge used to be TLC's 'What Not to Wear' show. I secretly hoped someone would sign me up so I could get a new wardrobe. (Let's face it, I've also lived in places where I wanted to nominate the whole town simply to get people out of their pajamas.) 

Now, with a new post-baby body, and after changing my diet and losing more weight, nothing from my former life fits. I'm not quite sure how to dress a 40-something body, while chasing after a toddler without simply wearing athletic gear all day. So for $20, I hired a stylist! I just got my first shipment and I LOVED having items handpicked just for me that actually FIT and are geared towards my life. I'm not going to lie... the stuff was pricier than I would have paid if I had nabbed it off the rack at TJMaxx, but I'm not sure I can put a price on getting the perfect pair of skinny jeans mailed right to my door without having to try on 46 other pairs. 

(If new clothes aren't your thing, feel free to read my latest post on the Chattanooga Mom's Blog on How to Be a Savvy Secondhand Shopper.)  

:: The Sailor and I are mere days away from celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary! It's hard to believe it's been a decade since we tied the knot. We've done a lot of living, laughing and loving since then. I'm excited to see where the next decade of adventures take us. If you missed our story, you can read it here. 

Finally, a word on writing. There's a lot going on in my head about the state of the world lately and I haven't really written about it publicly. I decided one day to pull out my sadly neglected journal and I scribbled pages and pages of chicken scratch (seriously, if someone ever finds my journals, good luck deciphering them) about my thoughts. I felt so much better afterwards and it reminded me again to regularly write in my journal more often. It really does wonders for my soul. It also reminded me to keep pursuing more writing outlets. 

So I did. In February, I had this story published in the City Mom's Blog Network, the parent site of the local Chattanooga blog I now write for. I know there's a lot more in me that needs to be said. Some of it will stay in the journal. The rest though, time will tell. 

Happy (almost!) Spring. I hope the sun is shining wherever you are. 

Bye, Bye, 2016!

I had this lengthy post nearly ready to go, detailing the highlights of our year. All I had to do was sort out photos to insert into the post. Apparently technology hates me in 2016, because I seem to have lost the whole thing. I probably just didn't hit save when the Peanut pulled me away to read a book about cars for the 87th time. 

But that's okay. Because you really didn't need to read all about my year (do you really care about the mundane stuff in my life?!) It's about to be in the past, in only a few hours! And I don't know about you, but I am looking forward to saying goodbye to 2016, and welcoming a new year. And instead of detailing all of my resolutions and goals right here, I'm going to write them into a planner.  

So far my only resolution is that I'm going to plan more stuff. And write it down. Plus just write in general, which I have been doing. I 'won' NaNoWriMo again this November and although my novel was laughable (and not because it was a comedy) I'm proud of myself for sticking it out and getting another 50,000 words done. 

Plus I've been contributing regularly to the Chattanooga Mom's Blog.  You can read my latest post about my love of traditional snail mail Christmas greetings here. And for any of you soon-to-be-parents, you can read all about how not to break the bank here. 

If you'll excuse me, that planner is calling, not to mention the Peanut. 

Happy New Year! May 2017 be amazing for you!